i don't know what i should do. it's hard. i'll try. then "i already gave my best. i have no regrets at all."

you know, looking at the j1s, i can't help but feel even more frightened. no, it's not that i'm scared of them.. just that the difference between j1 and j2 becomes more obvious. it's crazy. like j1 really is a play year. then this year is gonna be some shit year. for me, it's even worse. it's proving to be a nightmare. have to turn this nightmare into a dream. yep. work is the only thing on my mind now, other than bball of course. just want to prove to the teachers i can actually do decent work. i will want to do well in chem s especially. i wonder why. just can't wait for this year to be over. then i was just thinking also, if other people can do well with even more stuff, why can't i? i know i can lah, ain't that stupid after all. haha. so yeah, something i gotta do is clear my mind and get down to serious work. yep. jia you.

erm.

shit, i can't pretend i didn't notice. can't go on deceiving myself any longer. i could blame myself. but i never expected it to be so sick. ouch it hurts through my heart. why did i look when i know it wouldn't be pretty? im gonna explode. what now?

pissed.

innocent kiss - you're cute and sweet and like it
that way


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wah lau, it's really huo bu dan xing lah.. can't believe my luck..bad luck at that. sprained my ankle today playing ball. damn it. freaking pain!! all swollen now. pain. dammit, wanted to go training tomorrow. looks like it'll have to wait. saturday i hope. think i still have got time lah. this is bad man..but i will come back. ouch, i'm scared. i have what, less than 2 months left? hurting my chances. i'm scared.

otherwise chem s was refreshing. quite a cool experience. it's not really all that hard after all. still can understand a bit. can follow..but still don't know if i can come up with the solutions myself. yep, work to do. lots of work to be do.

just a thought, can't imagine myself hobbling around school tomorrow. argh.

another day gone by. what's new. you know..it hurts.

nothing.

blank. vacant. void. empty.


This emptiness is suffocating.

how many more hits can i take before i crack? how long more can i drag on without dying? why am i reduced to this.

"Another day is going by
I'm thinking about you all the time
But you're out there
And I'm here waiting

And I wrote this letter in my head
'Cuz so many things were left unsaid
but now you're gone
And I can't think straight

This could be the one last chance
To make you understand

I'd do anything
Just to hold you in my arms
To try to make you laugh
Somehow I can't put you in the past
I'd do anything
Just to fall asleep with you
Will you remember me?
'Cuz I know I won't forget you

Together we broke all the rules
Dreaming of dropping out of school
And leave this place
to never come back

So now maybe after all these years
If you miss me have no fear
I'll be here
I'll be waiting

This could be the one last chance to make you understand
And I just can't let you leave me once again

I close my eyes
And all I see is you
I close my eyes
I try to sleep I can't forget you
And I'd do anything for you

I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
There's nothing I won't do
I'd do anything
To fall asleep with you
I'd do anything
'Cuz I know I won't forget you."

no one cares. at least that's how it feels. it's killing me.

i guess it's close to the feeling of being cheated. but then who are you to want to know everything? i'd like to think im actually somebody. yep, it hurts. it pains me. on another thing, how the heck did i manage to keep calm and not lose myself when that happened? f---ing shit. bloody f---ing shit. perhaps that's where i'm soft, but you're a shit to exploit it. you know that. f off. looks like i'm treading back to past territory here. guess it all comes back when some nonsense happens. and i just can't manage to show my anger. what the heck. damn, there's got to be a way out of this.

totally wasted these two days away. pisses me off. didn't get much done. if anything at all. it's hard to concentrate when your mind's on something. had this thought some days back. the company's impt..couldn't get any studying done cos my mind was somewhere else. just couldn't concentrate when my mind's wandering like a ghost. well i think it's actually getting better. hard to believe yeah. it's all coming into perspective. i've got to believe what i say. something like practising what you preach. not quite but something like that. bah.

i'll get it right somehow. anyway, still want to catch the last samurai, if it's possible. everyone says it's good.

lagging behind a lot in physics. hope to get something right tomorrow. maths too, been a little behind already. this ain't very good, need to catch up. bio needs more reading. chem requires tonnes more reading and doing. still, i like chem. cya.